It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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