the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
