Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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