dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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