if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
