In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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