Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
