I'm going to jail i love you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
