he told me I talked like a deaf person
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
