The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just had sex bonerless
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
