I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
