you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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