Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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