i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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