I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
