More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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