Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
