youre lurking in front of me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
