I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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