So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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