Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
