I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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