i think my mom watched the whole time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
