Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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