I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
