just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
