Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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