Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Blood and glitter go together right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
