my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
