she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
