ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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