I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
