Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize