I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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