# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
