all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
