My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
