Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yo dont text me then not text me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
