So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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