I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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