ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
