He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
