How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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