I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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