Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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