I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I believe in your delicious
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
