Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
