Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
