dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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