I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
