This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
