smell my finger.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
