You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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