Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
