To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
