she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
