Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
