If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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