The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize