she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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