Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
