I have demons in me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
