Sry I called you an 8
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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