Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
