Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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