White coat. Heels.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
