I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
