Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
