I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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