i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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