I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just had sex bonerless
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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