What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
