I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
