I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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