Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Where did you get a picture of my penis
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
