its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't deserve a penis
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
