I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
