he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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