is your mom at the bar?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
