it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
