Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
