just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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