you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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