Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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